The concept of “home” is something that should be seriously contemplated by anyone considering moving to another country. I’ve placed “home” in quotes as home is more than just the tangible, physical structure where we grew up or currently live. There are other attributes that have intrinsic value as well. Home is traditionally where family is, where we entertain friends, the people we trust and rely on most. Where we feel most comfortable and safe. It’s where we keep and hold onto the things that are most valuable to us. It provides a foundation on which we build our lives, for life is easier when there’s a strong bond between us and “home”. All of these add up to give the home a sense of soulfulness.
Home is where most of our everyday activities happen that can be construed as soulful. It holds the paintings and pictures that are important to us, family heirlooms, the work on the house we’ve done ourselves, even the bed where we spend up to a 1/3 of our day! It’s full of memories, moments of happiness and joy shared with family and friends. It’s comforting, stable and secure; where one can escape the uncertainties of the outside world. These are expressions of soulfulness.
Home can be extended outwards to include one’s neighborhood, town, city or country. We identify as being part of our neighborhood along with the people and things within it. There is a sense of familiarity, security, belonging. Just as it’s comforting to return to our home at the end of the day, the same can be felt after traveling and returning back. We are once again surrounded by the things we are accustomed to – culture, language, people, how the system works.
When we move to a foreign country, however, this is up-ended. We are leaving all that behind. We have to deal with another culture and the language is most likely different (wasn’t that part of the appeal for making the move?). Family and friends are now separated by distance and time. We must figure out how the “new” system works, what the rules are or how things get done such as simply obtaining a driver’s license or filing our taxes – it’s all, simply put, a little foreign.
By making this move we’re leaving behind the soulful aspects of our lives for a little adventure, a little “spirit”. At least temporarily.
Spirit is our “spirit” for life, our zeal for the potential of the future and what it can mean for us. While soulfulness is about having things remain the same, spirit is about wanting to become something more. They are like to opposing forces but both important, essential aspects of our lives. Moving to a foreign country takes a lot of spirit. It gives us the inspiration to want to do it, provides the enthusiasm, energy, determination, and persistence to make it happen. It imparts gusto for life, an inner drive to flourish, to become something more.
During the initial planning/dreaming stage, caught up in the euphoria and spirit of the moment, we dream and fabricate the ideal lifestyle we’ll have in this new environment. Learning a new language, weekly visits to the farmer’s market, meeting new people, making new friends–it’s exciting.
But are we perhaps neglecting to fully consider exactly what it is we are leaving behind and the value it has had in our lives? Have we rationally weighed out what the pros and cons may be exchanging a familiar and stable world for an unfamiliar one with unforeseen challenges? It will certainly be exhilarating, especially at the beginning. But with time, as reality sets in, it may well be rather daunting and overwhelming. Assimilating is not always easy.
And then where do we find ourselves? In limbo–no longer established back home where we came from as we cut ties, and not yet assimilated into our new environment. “Home,” and all that goes with it, is no longer there to fall back when we may need it. And during this new phase of our life it may be when we need it most. We can’t ride on euphoria forever. Until we can re-establish some concept of home, we are left in limbo.
Now, some people have no problem with that. It was somewhat of a fad some years ago, where people were giving up their homes and hitting the road, becoming nomads, not living in one place for more than a few months. Again, it seems exotic, but how much of it actually is? I’m reminded of what it’s like for cruisers, people on sailboats who sail from one port to another. There are some very interesting places to visit but in between there’s a lot of places that just aren’t, and an awful lot of open water that can be challenging and unforgiving. So it is for the new arrival to a foreign country, there will be times that will be exhilarating and others that will be challenging.
But hey, if you don’t take the plunge, how will you ever get to the exhilaration part?
Over the years we’ve learned a few ways to make the transition easier. The first is to not burn any bridges, take your time and make the move in stages. Start by renting a place instead of buying. This allows you to wet your toes without having to make the plunge. You may discover you love it and then you can slowly take your time to find the right home. Or, you might find that that isn’t the right neighborhood, or perhaps even the right country. But it will at least be easier to self-correct. It took us eight years to finally make the full move to Portugal and disengage ourselves entirely from Mexico, with one country in between.
Secondly, if it’s possible, don’t sell the house back home. Even if it means renting it out–just knowing it’s still there can provide a certain level of comfort and security. Again, try not to burn bridges.
Thirdly, try to establish something that falls into the concept of home as soon as you can to replenish the soul. Can be as simple as hanging pictures of family and friends, painting the place, or buying new furniture.
Our apartment in Nice was more than 150-years old. By chance we happened to discover that under the plaster around the windows were large structural stones with occasional pieces of red brick. So we opened up around the windows to expose the stone and while doing so uncovered lovely aged wood support beams, the lintel. We spent considerable time removing cement and plaster from the rock and wood and then varnished them. The end result was quite wonderful and we knew every rock and brick in that wall intimately. Not only did it add to the apartment,, it made it feel more like home. Soulful.
Our lives are continually about finding balance. We need to be challenged, but when things get tough we want something to fall back on. And that can be our home, a comfort zone which encompasses the soulful aspects of who we are. Spirit imparts a keenness for life, an urge to continually try new things such has moving to a foreign country. Both are important aspects of who we are, and both should play active roles in our lives. Soulfulness provides depth, comfort and wisdom.
Spirit imparts the spark of life, the desire to live to our potential, to take on new challenges. The soul enjoys the collage of experiences we’ve gathered in our lives; spirit helps create them.